NOTICING CHANGE RIGHT HERE
Allow yourself to take a moment to consider the ways something in you has shifted since August of last year. Even if there is still much you are moving through, there may already be changes that are easier to miss, but still worth noticing. Consider what those shifts might look like, even in small, gentle ways, as they do in many small ways in nature.
The River: changing course
You have allowed yourself to change your mind. You've been welcoming the kind of courage to allow yourself to change your mind, and by doing so, you've been embracing the nonlinear nature of your story. There was a time when expectations you had on yourself didn’t leave much room for grace. However, you've been realizing that if the goals and plans you had for the next few years are changing, that doesn’t mean the future can be beautiful and meaningful in new ways. You may not know exactly what lies ahead, but even in the smallest ways, you’ve been allowing yourself to at least begin to practice loosening your grip, wherever you can, however you can. Even in the most subtle ways, you’ve been learning to let go. Like a river changing course, you have been learning that another way through can still belong to the same journey.”
The Roots: seeking what sustains. You have started to notice what is and isn’t working for you.
Perhaps, you’ve grown in awareness of how to, at least, try to communicate what isn't working for you. There was a time when you used to go along just to meet expectations and avoid being seen as "too much." Perhaps you received the message from the world around you that if you asked for what you needed, you were being difficult or asking for too much. This may have led to a space where you don't even know what your needs are. However, you're learning that you are worthy of the journey of finding out. It might take time to untangle your thoughts, but now you know that you're allowed to try. In the same way roots move toward what can sustain them, you have slowly begun to recognize what you need.
The Seed: taking its time
You have learned to give yourself time. You’ve been giving yourself more room to feel what you need to feel. Perhaps, grief or loss has found you and has left you feeling pressured to “get over it” or move through the experience in the same way other people have. However, slowly, you’ve been realizing that not comparing yourself to others extends to the way you process your emotions, your thoughts, and your experiences. You’ve learned that of course you can learn from others, but it doesn’t mean that you’ve failed if you’re moving through the aftermath of loss in different ways from others…even if those other people have been through different things. Just like a seed remains beneath the soil for as long as it needs, you have been learning to give your own process time, too.
The Branch: A strength that bends
You have learned to redefine strength. You’ve started to realize that you’re allowed to redefine strength. You've begun to understand that, even though you've had to be strong for so long, you are allowed to explore what it means to be strong beyond simply needing to survive. You're realizing that bold, gritty strength has taught you a lot, but there's something gentle strength can teach you too, and you are free to desire that. Perhaps this gentle strength looks like saying "no" without explaining yourself and then proceeding with your day. This could be a gentler form of strength because others may not have even noticed how much strength it took for you to say "no," even if it was over something small. The same could be true for taking time to rest. Maybe you've been going and going, and rest doesn't seem like something that's allowed. Any moment you find yourself able to rest is a kind of strength that others might not view as strong, but it's a strength that you have been practicing becoming more acquainted with. You've been learning to withstand the pressure to keep going and actually take a pause, even when you don't feel like you're allowed to. Any little room you’ve made for this matters more than you know. Like a branch that bends with the wind and remains part of the tree, you have been discovering forms of strength that make room for softness.
These are just a few examples of many. However, perhaps, they can serve as starting points for realizing the ways that you have been growing and embracing the process in ways that it might take time to realize.
More tomorrow…
Sincerely,
Morgan Harper Nichols
